I'VE CAUGHT A COLD FOR CHRISTMAS

BUT DON'T FEEL BAD FOR ME

I GET TO STAY IN BED

ALL DAY AND WATCH TV

USUALLY MY STOCKING IS BURSTING

WITH CANDY, NUTS AND SUCH

BUT NOW IT IS FULL OF TYLENOL

AND VAPORUB THAT I DON'T LIKE MUCH

WHILE YOU'LL BE AT FAMILY GATHERINGS

ARGUING OVER POLITICAL ISSUES

I'LL BE LYING IN MY BED

WITH A BOX OF KLENNEX TISSUES

YES I'VE CAUGHT A COLD FOR CHRISTMAS

BUT I'M GLAD AS ODD AS THAT SOUNDS

BECAUSE I GOT NETFLIX

AND I'LL PROBABLY LOSE 10 POUNDS

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL 

AND ONE FINAL BIT OF WISDOM

THE BEGGAR'S APPRENTICE